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TV · 2003

Two and a Half Men

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A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

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Cast & crew

Episodes

12 seasons · 262 episodes
Season 124 ep. · 2003–2004
  1. Episode 1: Pilot

    Sep 22, 2003 · 23 min

    Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.

  2. Episode 2: Big Flappy Bastards

    Sep 29, 2003 · 21 min

    Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith is taking advantage of Alan, who keeps going to her house to fix things.

  3. Episode 3: Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

    Oct 6, 2003 · 21 min

    Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father.

  4. Episode 4: If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

    Oct 13, 2003 · 21 min

    Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Meanwhile, Rose comes to Charlie for dating advice.

  5. Episode 5: The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump

    Oct 20, 2003 · 19 min

    Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.

  6. Episode 6: Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

    Oct 27, 2003 · 21 min

    The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.

  7. Episode 7: If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

    Nov 3, 2003 · 21 min

    Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.

  8. Episode 8: Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

    Nov 10, 2003 · 19 min

    Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.

  9. Episode 9: Phase One, Complete

    Nov 17, 2003 · 21 min

    Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends Jake and Evelyn.

  10. Episode 10: Merry Thanksgiving

    Nov 24, 2003 · 21 min

    Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that she should be with him.

  11. Episode 11: Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

    Dec 15, 2003 · 20 min

    When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image.

  12. Episode 12: Camel Filters and Pheromones

    Jan 5, 2004 · 21 min

    Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.

  13. Episode 13: Sarah Like Puny Alan

    Jan 12, 2004 · 20 min

    Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date for a long time.

  14. Episode 14: I Can't Afford Hyenas

    Feb 2, 2004 · 21 min

    Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must go on a budget.

  15. Episode 15: Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

    Feb 9, 2004 · 21 min

    Charlie invites a mysterious, slightly crazed woman to stay at the house until she can settle some family problems.

  16. Episode 16: That Was Saliva, Alan

    Feb 16, 2004 · 21 min

    Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.

  17. Episode 17: Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

    Feb 23, 2004 · 20 min

    Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his care and has to be rushed to the hospital.

  18. Episode 18: An Old Flame with a New Wick

    Mar 1, 2004 · 21 min

    Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.

  19. Episode 19: I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

    Mar 22, 2004 · 19 min

    Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has a party of her own.

  20. Episode 20: Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

    Apr 19, 2004 · 21 min

    Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.

  21. Episode 21: No Sniffing, No Wowing

    May 3, 2004 · 21 min

    Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan if she were, say, dumped by a self-centered lothario.

  22. Episode 22: My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

    May 10, 2004 · 21 min

    When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and comes up with a cure.

  23. Episode 23: Just Like Buffalo

    May 17, 2004 · 21 min

    When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with his dad and Charlie.

  24. Episode 24: Can You Feel My Finger?

    May 24, 2004 · 21 min

    Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not talking Vegas.

Season 224 ep. · 2004–2005
  1. Episode 1: Back Off, Mary Poppins

    Sep 20, 2004 · 30 min

    Alan learns that Charlie belongs to an exclusive men's group, and he begs his brother to let him join.

  2. Episode 2: Enjoy Those Garlic Balls

    Sep 27, 2004 · 30 min

    Judith is dating Jake's pediatrician, and Alan is upset until Charlie points out that if she remarries, his alimony payments will end.

  3. Episode 3: A Bag Full of Jawea

    Oct 4, 2004 · 30 min

    Charlie tries to save Jake from school suspension for giving his teacher (Missi Pyle) the finger by romancing her, but his several attempts fail every time.

  4. Episode 4: Go Get Mommy's Bra

    Oct 11, 2004 · 21 min

    Jake is very impressed and can't stop talking about his mother's new boyfriend, Dr. Melnick, which annoys Alan. While Evelyn borrows Charlie's car to help her impress a Saudi prince, because she wants to sell him real estate. When Charlie gets his car back, he discovers his mother's bra in the backseat. When he finds out why it's there he decides to trade in his car.

  5. Episode 5: Bad News from the Clinic?

    Oct 18, 2004 · 21 min

    Charlie meets his match when he falls for a woman who's better at playing hard to get than he is.

  6. Episode 6: The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance

    Oct 25, 2004 · 21 min

    Alan denies having shoplifted a toy as a child and fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits he planted the toy on Alan to stay out of trouble himself.

  7. Episode 7: A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana

    Nov 8, 2004 · 21 min

    Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister to cater a party their mother has conned them into throwing for her.

  8. Episode 8: Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers

    Nov 15, 2004 · 21 min

    Alan meets a woman named Nancy at a grocery store, who fulfills every single one of his desires, forcing Charlie to take care of Jake. After knowing Nancy for a few days Alan decides to ask her to marry him, prompting Charlie to try and talk him out of it, and he even gets help from the brothers' mother.

  9. Episode 9: Yes, Monsignor

    Nov 22, 2004 · 22 min

    When Charlie leaves the house to avoid a date that he can't stand, he ends up at a coffee shop, where he meets his old girlfriend Lisa. He finds out that she broke up with her husband, and now has a child. Now he must try to convince Lisa that he's okay with her having a child. While Jake tries to justify to his father why he isn't doing so well in school.

  10. Episode 10: The Salmon Under My Sweater

    Nov 29, 2004 · 21 min

    Charlie tries to get Jake's approval on a theme song that he is hired to write for a television show, which is based on a comic book that Jake is a fan. While Alan finds out more about Rose (including how smart she is), when he spends more time with her.

  11. Episode 11: Last Chance to See Those Tattoos

    Dec 13, 2004 · 21 min

    After getting unusually turned down at a bar, Charlie learns that a website has been made dedicated to exposing his lifestyle. Charlie sets out to find who created the site, making amends to all those he stood up, but it's harder than it looks when all the women take the apology better than expected.

  12. Episode 12: A Lungful of Alan

    Jan 3, 2005 · 21 min

    Alan is jealous of Charlie when an old classmate, who's now a beautiful woman, seems to be more interested in Charlie.

  13. Episode 13: Zejdz z Zmoich Wlosów (Get Off My Hair)

    Jan 17, 2005 · 20 min

    After an earthquake hits, Judith's house is damaged and she needs a place to stay. So Alan decides to invite her to stay with him and Charlie, without getting Charlie's permission. Charlie isn't happy with this, but accepts it. Alan becomes jealous when Judith goes on a date, and asks Charlie to find him a date, so that he can show Judith that he dates as well.

  14. Episode 14: Those Big Pink Things with Coconut

    Jan 31, 2005 · 21 min

    The brothers throw out their mother, after she insults the way Alan is raising Jake. When Alan and Charlie ignore her phone calls, to get their attention she ends up in the hospital. When Alan and Charlie show up at the hospital they aren't sure if she's faking, and try to call her bluff.

  15. Episode 15: Smell the Umbrella Stand

    Feb 7, 2005 · 21 min

    Alan starts to worry about a medical procedure that he is facing, and to get his mind off it, Charlie suggests they go to Las Vegas.

  16. Episode 16: Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?

    Feb 14, 2005 · 21 min

    When Judith decides to take a vacation, the brothers have to take care of Jake during the week. Alan finds it challenging, and even forgets to pick up Jake from soccer practice. When Alan finds out that he has to go to the I.R.S. because they're auditing him, he forces Charlie to take care of Jake, and Charlie doesn't do any better then Alan.

  17. Episode 17: Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!

    Feb 21, 2005 · 21 min

    After Charlie has back pain, Alan decides to take him to the Hospital. While there Charlie can't stop hitting on the doctor who is examining him. The only problem is that he has a history with her that he can't remember. Berta is feed up with Jake's inability to use the bathroom properly, so she decides to make him clean it until he learns.

  18. Episode 18: It Was 'Mame', Mom

    Mar 7, 2005 · 21 min

    Charlie is invited to a party hosted by a gay ad-executive named Eric, so Charlie asks Alan to pretend that he's his life partner. While at the party, Charlie meets Eric's ex-wife Pamela, and tries to sleep with her without Eric finding out.

  19. Episode 19: A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise

    Mar 21, 2005 · 21 min

    After Charlie takes Alan to an eye doctor, they end up at cafe where they bump into Charlie's ex-girlfriend, Sherri. While there Alan shows an interest in Sherri, and decides to ask her out. The problem is that Alan can't get over Sherri's relationship with Charlie.

  20. Episode 20: I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey

    Apr 18, 2005 · 21 min

    Rose tries to help the brothers sort out their feelings, when Charlie and Alan take their personal frustrations out on each other.

  21. Episode 21: A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On

    May 2, 2005 · 21 min

    Evelyn reads in the obituaries that her second husband, Harry has died. They all attend the funeral, including Jake who is excited at the opportunity of seeing a ""dead guy"". Charlie is excited by the opportunity of a newly single widow, and Alan is just happy to pay his respects to Harry.

  22. Episode 22: That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother

    May 9, 2005 · 21 min

    Evelyn buys Alan a new Sports car causing Charlie to claim that his brother has sold his soul to the Devil. The next day, Evelyn extracts payment by insisting that Alan go on a blind, double date with her, her new beau and his daughter. At the restaurant, Alan learns that his mother and boyfriend will not be able to join them because there was a mixup between his heart medication and Viagra and she didn't want to ""waste it"". As a result, Alan is left to deal with the daughter, who is on a weekend pass from a rehab center and still has some loose screws. Alan eventually gets her back to the beach house only to have her drive off in his new sports car and become the object of a televised high-speed car chase.

  23. Episode 23: Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab

    May 16, 2005 · 20 min

    Evelyn demands Jake spend a night at her place when she finds out he spent Spring Break with Judith's parents. Neither Alan nor Charlie are keen on the idea, but going to a bar after dropping off Jake quickly erases their concerns.

  24. Episode 24: Does This Smell Funny to You?

    May 23, 2005 · 20 min

    Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an older man's trophy wife while Jake has to read a paper to his class.

Season 324 ep. · 2005–2006
  1. Episode 1: Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts

    Sep 19, 2005 · 22 min

    After falling off the roof, Alan needs Charlie's help in looking after Jake, which interferes with Charlie's social life.

  2. Episode 2: Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover

    Sep 26, 2005 · 22 min

    Jake gets suspended from school after drawing an offensive picture of a girl in his class that has large breasts. Meanwhile, Charlie is asked to watch over Alan's chiropractic office after pulling an all-nighter.

  3. Episode 3: Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark

    Oct 3, 2005 · 22 min

    Alan has been dating a lot, and Charlie soon finds out that it has been one woman - his ex-wife, Judith. He tries to stop Alan, and even brings Rose, Evelyn and Berta to interfere - but Alan ignores them all.

  4. Episode 4: Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs

    Oct 10, 2005 · 22 min

    Berta causes tension between Charlie and Alan, when she temporarily moves in with them

  5. Episode 5: We Called It Mr. Pinky

    Oct 17, 2005 · 21 min

    Charlie learns he can't be in a long-lasting relationship, becuase of unresolved issues he has with his mother. Jake asks Charlie for advice about a girl at school.

  6. Episode 6: Hi, Mr. Horned One

    Oct 24, 2005 · 21 min

    Ignoring Alan's warnings, Charlie continues to date Isabella until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.

  7. Episode 7: Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop

    Nov 7, 2005 · 22 min

    Charlie wakes up with Rose the morning after her birthday party. Her irate father comes to ask Charlie about what the future holds for him and Rose, but the unexpected happens when Evelyn shows up.

  8. Episode 8: That Voodoo That I Do Do

    Nov 14, 2005 · 21 min

    Charlie tricks Jake into taking ballet lessons, so he can get close to the teacher.

  9. Episode 9: Madame and Her Special Friend

    Nov 21, 2005 · 21 min

    One of Charlie's elderly neighbors tries to seduce Alan, while Charlie tries to stop Jake from giving money to a televangelist.

  10. Episode 10: Something Salted and Twisted

    Nov 28, 2005 · 22 min

    Charlie helps Alan with his obsession of always having to get approval from the women in his life.

  11. Episode 11: Santa's Village of the Damned

    Dec 19, 2005 · 22 min

    Alan starts dating a woman with a Martha Stewart complex. Before long she's running the house with an obsession for perfection.

  12. Episode 12: That Special Tug

    Jan 9, 2006 · 22 min

    Charlie sees a therapist to learn how to deal with Alan's emotional insecurities.

  13. Episode 13: Humiliation Is a Visual Medium

    Jan 23, 2006 · 22 min

    Charlie finds himself in a relationship that is not based on sex.

  14. Episode 14: Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded

    Feb 6, 2006 · 22 min

    Charlie arranges a romantic date with Mia in the hopes of consummating their relationship. Alan begins to date Charlie's most recent ex-girlfriend.

  15. Episode 15: My Tongue Is Meat

    Feb 27, 2006 · 22 min

    Charlie has trouble keeping up with Mia's healthy lifestyle, so he begins to sneak beers, cigars, and burgers behind her back. When Mia finds out what he was doing, Charlie has to decide if he is truly in love with her or just whipped.

  16. Episode 16: Ergo, the Booty Call

    Mar 6, 2006 · 22 min

    Alan has trouble deciding if he should bring his younger girlfriend to Jake's birthday party to meet his mom and his ex-wife. Rose tries to get her boyfriend to act more like Charlie.

  17. Episode 17: The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer

    Mar 13, 2006 · 21 min

    Charlie is nominated for an advertising award, but he decides to boycott it because his arch nemesis always wins. The rest of his family tries to trick him into going. Rose is having relationship problems with Gordon and seeks help from Charlie.

  18. Episode 18: The Spit-Covered Cobbler

    Mar 20, 2006 · 21 min

    Alan starts to have financial problems when he starts paying for his girlfriend's bills, so Charlie tries to get him to break up with her. Meanwhile, Judith is after Alan because he is late in paying his alimony check.

  19. Episode 19: Golly Moses, She's a Muffin

    Apr 10, 2006 · 22 min

    Charlie is surprised to find out that Kandi has been living with them for the last three weeks. Alan is having a tough time helping Kandi earn a living. Charlie has lost his sense because of the dry-spell he is going through.

  20. Episode 20: Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

    Apr 24, 2006 · 21 min

    Alan tries to win Kandi back. Meanwhile, Charlie starts to sleep with her mom, Mandi, and Judith gets set up with her father, Andy.

  21. Episode 21: And the Plot Moistens

    May 1, 2006 · 21 min

    Jake's teacher has a meeting with Alan and Judith to discuss the lack of interest Jake has at school. Alan starts to fall for Francine, in a platonic way, because he is tired of the lack of intelligent communication he has with Kandi. Charlie helps Jake audition for his school musical.

  22. Episode 22: Just Once with Aunt Sophie

    May 8, 2006 · 22 min

    A girl from Jake's school invites him to his first boy-girl party. Charlie and Alan help him get ready for it by giving him advice. Alan and Charlie get nostalgic and remember their first boy-girl party.

  23. Episode 23: Arguments for the Quickie

    May 15, 2006 · 22 min

    Mia comes back to town with her dance troupe and invites Charlie to her performance. At first, he decides not to go and tries to convince Alan that he no longer has feelings for her. He goes to the see the performance and Mia explains that she wants some of Charlie's sperm. Charlie responds by asking Mia for something.

  24. Episode 24: That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

    May 22, 2006 · 21 min

    Charlie and Mia start making their wedding arrangements. Things begin to fall apart when their two families meet each other. They eventually decide on a small ceremony in Las Vegas.

Season 424 ep. · 2006–2007
  1. Episode 1: Working for Caligula

    Sep 18, 2006 · 22 min

    Charlie returns to his bachelor lifestyle after Alan moves out of the house. Alan suffers a breakdown after his divorce from Kandi.

  2. Episode 2: Who Is This Vod Kanockers?

    Sep 25, 2006 · 22 min

    Charlie finally tells Alan that he didn't marry Mia because she wanted Alan and Jake to move out of the house, but Alan finds a hole in his logic. Charlie and Alan deal with a noisy neighbor who constantly sings all the time, who happens to be Steven Tyler.

  3. Episode 3: The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress

    Oct 2, 2006 · 21 min

    Charlie tries to surf to impress Dottie, a beautiful woman he just met, but after he nearly drowns he is convinced that he saw his late father.

  4. Episode 4: A Pot-Smokin' Monkey

    Oct 9, 2006 · 21 min

    Alan tries to hire his ex-wife's lawyer to help him win custody over the dog he and Kandi shared.

  5. Episode 5: A Live Woman of Proven Fertility

    Oct 16, 2006 · 21 min

    Alan is overjoyed by the prospect of Judith remarrying, as he would no longer have to pay alimony. Alan gets Charlie to help him when it looks like the marriage maybe derailed due to Jake's dislike of his mother's fiancé.

  6. Episode 6: Apologies for the Frivolity

    Oct 23, 2006 · 20 min

    Charlie is dating a woman whose personality and life are like his mother's.

  7. Episode 7: Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head

    Nov 6, 2006 · 21 min

    Berta's daughter, Naomi is pregnant and Berta drags Charlie with her when she confronts the baby's father. Alan reveals a secret fetish.

  8. Episode 8: Release the Dogs

    Nov 13, 2006 · 22 min

    Alan suffers from insomnia. He visits his psychiatrist, who reveals that the cause of Alan's sleepless nights is his jealousy towards Charlie, and his inability to glide through life.

  9. Episode 9: Corey's Been Dead for an Hour

    Nov 20, 2006 · 21 min

    Charlie gets tired of Alan's mooching and reaches the breaking point during the brothers' double date. Jake is left home alone for the first time.

  10. Episode 10: Kissing Abe Lincoln

    Nov 27, 2006 · 21 min

    Worrying Charlie may get rid of one of them, Berta and Lydia fight over him. Meanwhile, Kandi does everything she can to stop Alan from selling their condo.

  11. Episode 11: Walnuts and Demerol

    Dec 11, 2006 · 21 min

    Charlie's friends and family put a crimp in his plan for a romantic Christmas Eve date. When Evelyn sees who the date is, she goes to great lengths to force a wedge between them.

  12. Episode 12: Castrating Sheep in Montana

    Jan 8, 2007 · 21 min

    Berta discovers that Alan has been dating her daughter Naomi.

  13. Episode 13: Don't Worry, Speed Racer

    Jan 22, 2007 · 21 min

    Jake shares that he has heard his mother having sex with her fiancée, Herb; this revelation brings up a repressed memory for Charlie. This leads Charlie to seek help from Rose.

  14. Episode 14: That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami

    Feb 5, 2007 · 22 min

    Charlie sets Alan up with their new neighbour. But he gets jealous when the two form a bond.

  15. Episode 15: My Damn Stalker

    Feb 12, 2007 · 22 min

    Rose is moving to London, and Charlie is surprised by his reaction to the news. Alan lies to a woman he met online.

  16. Episode 16: Young People Have Phlegm Too

    Feb 19, 2007 · 21 min

    Charlie's young, hot girlfriend takes him to a new club. She invites Alan to meet one of her friends but the men are shocked to learn that they are considered as being "old".

  17. Episode 17: I Merely Slept with a Commie

    Feb 26, 2007 · 22 min

    After Evelyn tells Alan and Charlie how she feels about there being no mourners at her friend's funeral, the boys share their feelings that this could also be the case at her funeral. Evelyn tries to prove them wrong by introducing them to a couple she help adopt a boy from China. The boys return fire by inviting the young man to a play date with Jake.

  18. Episode 18: It Never Rains in Hooterville

    Mar 19, 2007 · 21 min

    Alan tries to bond with Jake when he realizes that his childhood is almost over. Kandi pursues a career in acting.

  19. Episode 19: Smooth as a Ken Doll

    Apr 9, 2007 · 21 min

    Charlie takes a liking to Myra, the witty sister of Judith's fiancé, Herb.

  20. Episode 20: Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot

    Apr 16, 2007 · 21 min

    Alan looks forward to Judith's wedding, while Charlie and Myra continue their romance.

  21. Episode 21: Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous

    Apr 23, 2007 · 22 min

    Alan and Charlie re-examine their sexual identities after Alan befriends Greg, a gay man. Meanwhile, Jake has a crush on Greg's daughter.

  22. Episode 22: Mr. McGlue's Feedbag

    Apr 30, 2007 · 22 min

    Jake gets lucky after Charlie takes him to the racetrack. Meanwhile, Alan has a difficult time at the DMV.

  23. Episode 23: Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'

    May 7, 2007 · 21 min

    Charlie is shocked when the handyman working on his house beats him out for Chloe's affections. Alan has no sympathy for Charlie's distress.

  24. Episode 24: Prostitutes and Gelato

    May 14, 2007 · 20 min

    Evelyn's boyfriend, Teddy, invites Alan and Charlie to go with him to Las Vegas on his private jet. The boys confront their individual 'daddy issues'

Season 519 ep. · 2007–2008
  1. Episode 1: Large Birds, Spiders and Mom

    Sep 24, 2007 · 20 min

    Jake is getting ready to start a new school as he graduates to Junior High. Alan and Charlie take him school shopping and find themselves in trouble.

  2. Episode 2: Media Room Slash Dungeon

    Oct 1, 2007 · 22 min

    Charlie acts strange after spending an evening with his mother, and a woman Alan slept with behaves oddly the next morning.

  3. Episode 3: Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo

    Oct 8, 2007 · 21 min

    Alan convinces Charlie that he needs to date more respectable women and sets him up with a judge. The two double date and their waitress happens to be one of Charlie's ex-girlfriends. Charlie's date backfires the following morning, when he ends up in court in front of the judge.

  4. Episode 4: City of Great Racks

    Oct 15, 2007 · 22 min

    Charlie and Linda get closer to consummating their relationship, but Charlie has trouble focusing when he begins to see Rose's face everywhere he turns.

  5. Episode 5: Putting Swim Fins on a Cat

    Oct 22, 2007 · 22 min

    Charlie has to come up with ways to keep his girlfriend's 4-year-old amused; Alan becomes a test subject.

  6. Episode 6: Help Daddy Find His Toenail

    Oct 29, 2007 · 21 min

    Charlie's girlfriend is embrassed to go out in public with him. Meanwhile, Jake sneaks out to attend a concert.

  7. Episode 7: The Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room

    Nov 5, 2007 · 20 min

    After Alan and Charlie have a fight about Alan's role in the house. Alan packs Jake up and moves in with his mother.

  8. Episode 8: Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

    Nov 12, 2007 · 20 min

    Charlie writes a children's song and finds success as Charlie Waffles. The children love him and the mothers seem to as well. Charlie's new found fame irritates Alan.

  9. Episode 9: Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids

    Nov 19, 2007 · 20 min

    Charlie fights his attraction for Teddy's daughter.

  10. Episode 10: Kinda Like Necrophilia

    Nov 26, 2007 · 22 min

    Alan finds out that Charlie stole his girlfriend and works on a plan to get back at Charlie, even though this happened when they were in high school.

  11. Episode 11: Meander to Your Dander

    Mar 17, 2008 · 22 min

    When Alan finds himself wanting to break up with a woman, Charlie offers his expertise.

  12. Episode 12: A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh

    Mar 24, 2008 · 22 min

    Rose returns from England, and plays nurse rather oddly for an ill Charlie.

  13. Episode 13: The Soil Is Moist

    Mar 31, 2008 · 20 min

    Alan finds out some surprising information about Judith's sex life when he decides to go on a date with one of her friends.

  14. Episode 14: Winky-Dink Time

    Apr 14, 2008 · 22 min

    Charlie double-dates with Jake and fixes Alan up with a hooker.

  15. Episode 15: Rough Night in Hump Junction

    Apr 21, 2008 · 21 min

    Alan feels Charlie is unable to control his womanizing ways.

  16. Episode 16: Look at Me Mommy, I'm Pretty

    Apr 28, 2008 · 22 min

    Alan makes wedding plans for Evelyn and Teddy, while Charlie figures out how to get more acquainted with his future step-sister.

  17. Episode 17: Fish in a Drawer

    May 5, 2008 · 21 min

    CSIs investigate a death at Charlie's house.

  18. Episode 18: If My Hole Could Talk

    May 12, 2008 · 21 min

    Charlie's attracted to an older self-help author. Alan and Jake clash over a project for school.

  19. Episode 19: Waiting for the Right Snapper

    May 19, 2008 · 22 min

    When Charlie meets Angie's soon to be daughter-in-law, he realizes it's not for the first time.

Season 624 ep. · 2008–2009
  1. Episode 1: Taterhead Is Our Love Child

    Sep 22, 2008 · 22 min

    In the 6th season opener, Charlie runs into an ex-girlfriend and a child who bears a striking resemblance to Charlie.

  2. Episode 2: Pie Hole, Herb

    Sep 29, 2008 · 22 min

    Charlie borrowed money from Alan and on the day he is supposed to pay him back, Alan goes to ask Charlie for the money. He again finds Charlie in bed with a beautiful woman. After Charlie shoos him out and assures him he'll get the money for him later that day, the woman asks if Charlie is really out of cash and Charlie tells her not to worry, that he has plenty of hooker money.

  3. Episode 3: Damn You, Eggs Benedict

    Oct 6, 2008 · 22 min

    Alan, Jake, and Charlie all decide to try new things: Alan is dating more than one woman, Charlie learns to cook, and Jake experiments with beer.

  4. Episode 4: The Flavin' and the Mavin'

    Oct 13, 2008 · 21 min

    Alan is sure that things will turn bad when Charlie starts dating his receptionist.

  5. Episode 5: A Jock Strap in Hell

    Oct 20, 2008 · 22 min

    Charlie tries to help Jake's former teacher, who became a stripper after dating him, but things go from bad to worse when she has a religious conversion.

  6. Episode 6: It's Always Nazi Week

    Nov 3, 2008 · 22 min

    When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking; Jake is sent to stay with a less-than-willing Charlie for three months during Judith's meltdown.

  7. Episode 7: Best H.O. Money Can Buy

    Nov 10, 2008 · 22 min

    Alan tries to escape Judith's grasp as Charlie and Herb go on the prowl to pick up women. They later end up going back to Herb's hotel room with two prostitutes, where Herb declares his love for Judith and races over to win her back.

  8. Episode 8: Pinocchio's Mouth

    Nov 17, 2008 · 22 min

    Charlie's new girlfriend Chelsea asks him to spend the night at her place, which puts Charlie well outside of his comfort zone, while Alan tries to enforce a punishment on Jake initiated by Judith for mooning a group of girls.

  9. Episode 9: The Mooch at the Boo

    Nov 24, 2008 · 22 min

    Charlie finds himself in an uncomfortable position when Jake takes off with the daughter of a former NFL player. Charlie's Mercedes proves a boon to Alan's love life.

  10. Episode 10: He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited

    Dec 8, 2008 · 21 min

    Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, and Alan becomes listless because he has no compelling reason to work anymore, while Jake discovers a hidden talent in the culinary arts that may allow him to bypass college altogether.

  11. Episode 11: The Devil's Lube

    Dec 15, 2008 · 22 min

    Charlie finds himself re-examining his wild ways when an old friend dies and begins to feel that his time on Earth may be drawing to a close.

  12. Episode 12: Thank God for Scoliosis

    Jan 12, 2009 · 20 min

    Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress, while Alan fights sexual tension with his receptionist.

  13. Episode 13: I Think You Offended Don

    Jan 19, 2009 · 22 min

    Judith is pregnant with a baby girl and Alan is convinced he is the father.

  14. Episode 14: David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie

    Feb 2, 2009 · 21 min

    Melissa doesn't think Alan's family appreciates him, so she asks him to move in with her and her mom.

  15. Episode 15: I'd Like to Start with the Cat

    Feb 9, 2009 · 21 min

    Charlie ends up in couples counseling.

  16. Episode 16: She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime

    Mar 2, 2009 · 20 min

    Charlie has to remove a half-naked woman from his bedroom before Chelsea arrives.

  17. Episode 17: The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?

    Mar 9, 2009 · 20 min

    Charlie's admission that he's in love with Chelsea gets a surprising reaction from her

  18. Episode 18: My Son's Enormous Head

    Mar 16, 2009 · 21 min

    Chelsea's illness gives Charlie a chance to prove he can take care of her, but also yearning to run away from the situation.

  19. Episode 19: The Two Finger Rule

    Mar 30, 2009 · 20 min

    After Chelsea discovers a nude picture of another woman on Charlie's cell phone, he blows off steam by going out for a night of drinking with Alan, Herb and his neighbor.

  20. Episode 20: Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau

    Apr 13, 2009 · 22 min

    Charlie's desperate to make sure Chelsea and Evelyn don't befriend each other following their first meeting.

  21. Episode 21: Above Exalted Cyclops

    Apr 27, 2009 · 21 min

    Chelsea is asked by Alan to arrange a blind date between he and her new friend, unaware that her new friend is Rose.

  22. Episode 22: Sir Lancelot's Litter Box

    May 4, 2009 · 20 min

    Charlie mourns the loss of his bachelor pad as he reluctantly allows Chelsea to move in. Meanwhile, Alan discovers there is no longer much space left in the house for him.

  23. Episode 23: Good Morning Mrs. Butterworth

    May 11, 2009 · 20 min

    Alan and Chelsea become best buds, and Charlie decides to take advantage of the situation.

  24. Episode 24: Baseball Was Better with Steroids

    May 18, 2009 · 21 min

    Charlie starts to question his relationship with Chelsea when he hears that Mia is back in town. Meanwhile, Judith goes into labor and Charlie, Alan and Herb rush her to the hospital, on the sixth season finale.

Season 722 ep. · 2009–2010
  1. Episode 1: 818-JKLPUZO

    Sep 21, 2009 · 21 min

    Charlie must make a difficult decision about his future and with which woman he wants to spend his life: Chelsea or Mia.

  2. Episode 2: Whipped Unto the Third Generation

    Sep 28, 2009 · 20 min

    When Chelsea convinces Charlie to let Alan's new girlfriend, Melissa, move in, the girls end up taking over Charlie's house.

  3. Episode 3: Mmm, Fish. Yum.

    Oct 5, 2009 · 19 min

    Alan ends up playing maid to Judith's new baby as well as his former mother-in-law. Meanwhile, Jake uses an incriminating photo to blackmail Charlie.

  4. Episode 4: Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator

    Oct 12, 2009 · 20 min

    Alan starts working for Evelyn as Charlie works to fix the relationship between Chelsea and Jake.

  5. Episode 5: For the Sake of the Child

    Oct 19, 2009 · 21 min

    Jake stops at nothing to get away from Charlie and Alan, after they embarrass him out in public.

  6. Episode 6: Give Me Your Thumb

    Nov 2, 2009 · 20 min

    Alan's advice to Chelsea that she get breast-reduction surgery is not met with enthusiasm by Charlie, who kicks him out, but staying with Evelyn has its own challenges.

  7. Episode 7: Untainted by Filth

    Nov 9, 2009 · 22 min

    Alan and Charlie are shocked when they wake up next to a strange woman, and try to find out what happened.

  8. Episode 8: Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.

    Nov 16, 2009 · 20 min

    While overcoming a bad break-up, Chelsea invites her beautiful college roommate to stay at the house.

  9. Episode 9: Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair

    Nov 23, 2009 · 21 min

    While Alan struggles to cure his baldness, Charlie deals with the problem that he can't satisfy Chelsea.

  10. Episode 10: That's Why They Call It "Ball Room"

    Dec 7, 2009 · 20 min

    Chelsea wants Charlie to take dancing lessons for the wedding, when Charlie uncovers the truth that Chelsea has been lying about her finances.

  11. Episode 11: Warning, It's Dirty

    Dec 14, 2009 · 19 min

    Jake is taught the art of infidelity by Charlie, while Celeste is away for Christmas.

  12. Episode 12: Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste

    Jan 11, 2010 · 22 min

    Jake hopes to win back Celeste by writing her love songs. Alan and Herb hope to keep Judith from finding out they've become friends.

  13. Episode 13: Yay, No Polyps!

    Jan 18, 2010 · 20 min

    Charlie opts to have a colonoscopy in order to avoid going on a trip with Chelsea to see her parents. However, when he returns home, he finds her parents at his house.

  14. Episode 14: Crude and Uncalled For

    Feb 1, 2010 · 21 min

    Charlie suspects Chelsea likes the lawyer representing Alan after his arrest for a bar fight.

  15. Episode 15: Aye, Aye, Captain Douche

    Feb 8, 2010 · 22 min

    Chelsea and Charlie's relationship is at risk when Charlie's jealousy comes between them.

  16. Episode 16: Tinkle Like a Princess

    Mar 1, 2010 · 21 min

    Charlie runs off to Vegas and returns with a new wife, but she's not Chelsea.

  17. Episode 17: I Found Your Moustache

    Mar 8, 2010 · 21 min

    Charlie and Chelsea have a post-breakup one-night stand.

  18. Episode 18: Ixnay on the Oggie Day

    Mar 22, 2010 · 21 min

    Charlie has a return engagement with Chelsea's best friend, while Alan has an unexpected effect on a new female patient.

  19. Episode 19: Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave

    Apr 12, 2010 · 18 min

    Alan is torn between the bad influence of Jake's new friend and the hotness of his mother.

  20. Episode 20: I Called Him Magoo

    May 10, 2010 · 21 min

    Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend, while Charlie takes a different approach to obtain the "girlfriend experience"

  21. Episode 21: Gumby with a Pokey

    May 17, 2010 · 21 min

    Charlie is visited by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends while Alan and Jake are on a road trip.

  22. Episode 22: This Is Not Gonna End Well

    May 24, 2010 · 21 min

    Charlie is miffed over Alan's planned attendance of Chelsea's birthday party and suffers the indignity of having Jake chauffer him around following a license suspension.

Season 816 ep. · 2010–2011
  1. Episode 1: Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud

    Sep 20, 2010 · 21 min

    When Jake finds out that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom, he packs up and heads to Judith and Herb's. Meanwhile, Charlie decides it's time to cut back on boozing.

  2. Episode 2: A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer

    Sep 27, 2010 · 21 min

    Charlie is willing to do anything for Alan to accept Lyndsey's offer to move in with her.

  3. Episode 3: A Pudding-Filled Cactus

    Oct 4, 2010 · 21 min

    After moving in with Lyndsey, Alan continues to have a rendezvous with Melissa at Charlie's house.

  4. Episode 4: Hookers, Hookers, Hookers

    Oct 11, 2010 · 21 min

    Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house after their home burns down.

  5. Episode 5: The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel

    Oct 18, 2010 · 21 min

    Alan pretends to be Charlie when he goes out on the town; Charlie sneaks off for cosmetic surgery.

  6. Episode 6: Twanging Your Magic Clanger

    Oct 25, 2010 · 21 min

    Charlie has difficulty dealing with dating a slightly older woman.

  7. Episode 7: The Crazy Bitch Gazette

    Nov 1, 2010 · 19 min

    Charlie's girlfriend gets fed up with his stalker, Rose.

  8. Episode 8: Springtime on a Stick

    Nov 8, 2010 · 21 min

    Charlie and Alan try to set up Evelyn with Russell the pharmacist.

  9. Episode 9: A Good Time in Central Africa

    Nov 15, 2010 · 21 min

    When Berta takes a couple of days off, Charlie falls for her replacement. Meanwhile, Alan believes he's being stalked by Lyndsey's ex-husband.

  10. Episode 10: Ow, Ow, Don't Stop

    Nov 22, 2010 · 19 min

    When Charlie's ex-girlfriend Courtney is released from prison, he treats her to the good life despite her having been in prison for conning him.

  11. Episode 11: Dead from the Waist Down

    Dec 6, 2010 · 21 min

    Alan goes to great lengths to be able to get Lyndsey a nice birthday present.

  12. Episode 12: Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead

    Dec 13, 2010 · 21 min

    Depressed after his breakup from Courtney (Jenny McCarthy), Charlie goes to see his psychiatrist (Jane Lynch).

  13. Episode 13: Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup

    Jan 3, 2011 · 21 min

    Alan feels paranoid when Lyndsey becomes friendly with Charlie.

  14. Episode 14: Lookin' for Japanese Subs

    Jan 17, 2011 · 21 min

    Obsessed and believing her to be married, Charlie starts stalking Rose. Jake and Eldridge start taping themselves doing Jackass-style stunts.

  15. Episode 15: Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak

    Feb 7, 2011 · 21 min

    While Charlie and Rose carry on their "affair," Alan's chiropractic business turns into a Ponzi scheme.

  16. Episode 16: That Darn Priest

    Feb 14, 2011 · 19 min

    Rose and Alan discover each other's secrets. Meanwhile, Charlie's desperate to get some time alone with Rose.

Season 924 ep. · 2011–2012
  1. Episode 1: Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt

    Sep 19, 2011 · 21 min

    Alan and Jake meet Walden Schmidt, a broken-hearted billionaire.

  2. Episode 2: People Who Love Peepholes

    Sep 26, 2011 · 21 min

    Walden deals with his ex-wife, Bridget.

  3. Episode 3: Big Girls Don't Throw Food

    Oct 3, 2011 · 20 min

    Alan prepares Walden for a date with Bridget, while Jake decides to emulate Walden and drop out of school.

  4. Episode 4: Nine Magic Fingers

    Oct 10, 2011 · 21 min

    Walden goes looking for Mrs. Right while Alan has an opportunity to reconcile with Lyndsey.

  5. Episode 5: A Giant Cat Holding a Churro

    Oct 17, 2011 · 20 min

    Alan has trouble accepting Lyndsey's seedy movie past, and Walden tries to cheer him up by throwing a party.

  6. Episode 6: The Squat and Hover

    Oct 24, 2011 · 21 min

    Walden receives divorce papers from Bridget, but forgets his depression when he meets a girl who looks eerily like her.

  7. Episode 7: Those Fancy Japanese Toilets

    Oct 31, 2011 · 19 min

    Jake has a crush on his chemistry tutor, who has a crush on Walden. Meanwhile, Alan obsesses over the journal his brother left him in his will.

  8. Episode 8: Thank You for the Intercourse

    Nov 7, 2011 · 21 min

    When Walden begins redecorating the beach house, Alan becomes overly emotional.

  9. Episode 9: Frodo's Headshots

    Nov 14, 2011 · 21 min

    Upon his release from the hospital, Alan is met with a slew of challenges that test his ability to cope.

  10. Episode 10: A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes

    Nov 21, 2011 · 21 min

    Walden hits it off with a British babe, but neither of them is sure he's ready to re-enter the dating world.

  11. Episode 11: What a Lovely Landing Strip

    Dec 5, 2011 · 20 min

    Walden is trying his best to impress his new love interest when Bridget reappears in his life.

  12. Episode 12: One False Move, Zimbabwe!

    Dec 12, 2011 · 21 min

    Walden's mother arrives and Alan is smitten with her, even as she reveals a secret about Walden's past that sends him into a downward spiral.

  13. Episode 13: Slowly and in a Circular Fashion

    Jan 2, 2012 · 20 min

    Walden's ex-wife and mother try to take control of his company, so he turns to Alan for help.

  14. Episode 14: A Possum on Chemo

    Jan 16, 2012 · 20 min

    Zoey tries to convince Walden to cut his hair and shave; Alan and Lyndsey revive their relationship.

  15. Episode 15: The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack

    Feb 6, 2012 · 21 min

    Walden tries to loosen Zooey up by sharing some of Berta's special brownies.

  16. Episode 16: Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy

    Feb 13, 2012 · 20 min

    Strained relationships and girl-fighting result when a huge storm traps Walden, Alan, Zoey and Lyndsey in the house on Valentine's Day.

  17. Episode 17: Not in My Mouth!

    Feb 20, 2012 · 19 min

    Walden and Zoey's relationship suffers after they share a near-death experience. Meanwhile, Alan wonders if Lyndsey has a drinking problem.

  18. Episode 18: The War Against Gingivitis

    Feb 27, 2012 · 21 min

    Walden's ex-business partner shows up at the beach house looking to make peace.

  19. Episode 19: Palmdale, Ech

    Mar 19, 2012 · 21 min

    Alan and Lyndsey introduce their mothers. Jake and Eldridge get a ride from Walden to a party.

  20. Episode 20: Grandma's Pie

    Apr 9, 2012 · 21 min

    Walden breaks the news to Zoey that he is going into business with his ex-wife. Alan and Lyndsey try to cope with their mom's relationship.

  21. Episode 21: Mr. Hose Says "Yes"

    Apr 16, 2012 · 21 min

    Walden's commitment is tested when Zoey and her daughter come to live with him. Meanwhile, Alan gets more than he bargained for when he moves in with Lyndsey

  22. Episode 22: Why We Gave Up Women

    Apr 30, 2012 · 21 min

    Charlie's ghost pays a visit to Alan after he suffers a minor heart attack.

  23. Episode 23: The Straw in My Donut Hole

    May 7, 2012 · 21 min

    Alan is showered with love and affection upon returning from the hospital, but Zoey isn't so sure it's deserved.

  24. Episode 24: Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!

    May 14, 2012 · 21 min

    Jake is pressured to make a decision about his future.

Season 1023 ep. · 2012–2013
  1. Episode 1: I Changed My Mind About the Milk

    Sep 27, 2012 · 21 min

    Walden plans a big surprise for Zoey's birthday.

  2. Episode 2: A Big Bag of Dog

    Oct 4, 2012 · 20 min

    Zoey and Walden break up, causing Walden to experience a breakdown.

  3. Episode 3: Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt

    Oct 11, 2012 · 21 min

    Alan and Lyndsey decide to spice things up in the bedroom.

  4. Episode 4: You Do Know What the Lollipop's For

    Oct 18, 2012 · 21 min

    Walden starts to feel his age when a friend's daughter comes to town.

  5. Episode 5: That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam

    Oct 25, 2012 · 20 min

    Despite Alan's warnings, Walden starts dating Rose.

  6. Episode 6: Ferrets, Attack!

    Nov 1, 2012 · 20 min

    Walden must choose between Zoey and Rose.

  7. Episode 7: Avoid the Chinese Mustard

    Nov 8, 2012 · 21 min

    When Walden gets tired of the complications that come with a traditional relationship, he hires an actress to be his girlfriend; Jake plans a rendezvous with Missi (Miley Cyrus) at the beach house.

  8. Episode 8: Something My Gynecologist Said

    Nov 15, 2012 · 21 min

    Alan feels reluctant to make a commitment to Lyndsey, but an unexpected source inspires him; Walden enjoys being the boy-toy of a wealthy older woman.

  9. Episode 9: I Scream When I Pee

    Nov 29, 2012 · 20 min

    Alans famous ex-wife, Kandi, wants to reconcile; when Berta isn't interested in celebrating her birthday, Walden tries to make her day special.

  10. Episode 10: One Nut Johnson

    Dec 6, 2012 · 21 min

    Alan helps Walden create a new identity so he can avoid women who are only interested in his money.

  11. Episode 11: Give Santa a Tail-Hole

    Dec 13, 2012 · 22 min

    Walden juggles his two identities; Alan ends up alone on Christmas.

  12. Episode 12: Welcome to Alancrest

    Jan 3, 2013 · 22 min

    Alan invests Walden's money in Kate's fashion line; leading a double life takes its toll on Walden.

  13. Episode 13: Grab a Feather and Get in Line

    Jan 10, 2013 · 21 min

    Alan and Walden go to Kate's fashion show in New York so Walden can reveal the truth about his identity.

  14. Episode 14: Run, Steven Staven! Run!

    Jan 31, 2013 · 21 min

    Alan is faced with relationship trouble when he does not give Lyndsey a key to the beach house; Walden, Alan, Herb and Billy commiserate about relationships.

  15. Episode 15: Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It

    Feb 7, 2013 · 21 min

    When Jake brings his 36-year-old girlfriend home for a visit, Alan is concerned; Walden tries to hide something from Alan.

  16. Episode 16: Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby

    Feb 14, 2013 · 21 min

    Depressed on Valentine's Day, Walden tries to talk Kate into giving him another chance; Alan's holiday plans go south.

  17. Episode 17: Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries

    Feb 21, 2013 · 21 min

    When Walden runs into his ex and they start talking about getting back together, Alan worries that she is not good enough.

  18. Episode 18: The 9:04 from Pemberton

    Mar 7, 2013 · 21 min

    After a fight with Walden, Alan decides to move in with Herb.

  19. Episode 19: Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon

    Mar 14, 2013 · 21 min

    Alan and Walden end up partying too hard as they try to cheer up Herb.

  20. Episode 20: Bazinga! That's from a TV Show

    Apr 4, 2013 · 21 min

    Walden and Alan are caught in the crossfire when Jake cheats on his girlfriend (Jaime Pressly) with her 18-year-old daughter.

  21. Episode 21: Another Night with Neil Diamond

    Apr 25, 2013 · 21 min

    Alan has a difficult time coping when Lyndsey breaks up with him.

  22. Episode 22: My Bodacious Vidalia

    May 2, 2013 · 21 min

    With encouragement from Walden, Alan decides to update his look; Alan is faced with a moral dilemma when he attracts a married woman.

  23. Episode 23: Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped

    May 9, 2013 · 22 min

    Walden dates an attractive 22-year-old (Hilary Duff), but ends up being more interested in her grandmother (Marilu Henner); Jake and Alan go on a trip.

Season 1122 ep. · 2013–2014
  1. Episode 1: Nangnangnangnang

    Sep 26, 2013 · 21 min

    Charlie's 25-year-old daughter arrives at the beach house, hoping to get to know her family.

  2. Episode 2: I Think I Banged Lucille Ball

    Oct 3, 2013 · 21 min

    Jenny moves in with Evelyn and her wealthy boyfriend, Marty.

  3. Episode 3: This Unblessed Biscuit

    Oct 10, 2013 · 22 min

    Walden and Alan think it may be time for Berta to retire when she injures her back at work. When they suggest her retiring, she grows offended, and as the conversation progresses she quits. Walden and Alan then try different maids, with little success.

  4. Episode 4: Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank

    Oct 17, 2013 · 21 min

    Alan and Lyndsey's illicit relationship becomes jeopardized when one of Lyndsey's man-hunting friends, Stephanie (Jennifer Aspen), asks if they are back together. The two staunchly deny it, then Lyndsey insists that Alan make a date with Stephanie so that she will believe their lie. Alan meets her for an uncomfortable date, which nevertheless leads to sex, causing Lyndsey to get mad and leave Alan again.

  5. Episode 5: Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003

    Oct 24, 2013 · 21 min

    Alan tries to find out what Lyndsey's boyfriend has over him; Walden helps Jenny pursue her acting career.

  6. Episode 6: Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants

    Nov 7, 2013 · 21 min

    When Alan learns Walden knows Lynda Carter, he asks him to set him up on a date with her. Against his better judgment, Walden agrees to invite her to the house for dinner.

  7. Episode 7: Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie

    Nov 14, 2013 · 21 min

    Walden and Alan find themselves on dates with two ideal women until Lyndsey's jealousy throws a wrench in their evening.

  8. Episode 8: Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.

    Nov 21, 2013 · 21 min

    Alan and Lyndsey's illicit affair puts Walden in danger, forcing him to accept Rose's help.

  9. Episode 9: Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer

    Dec 5, 2013 · 21 min

    Walden goes on a date with an accident-prone model; Alan's date reveals surprising personal information about herself to him.

  10. Episode 10: On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!

    Dec 12, 2013 · 21 min

    Jake sends Alan a Japanese delicacy; the house comes alive with questionable Christmas lyrics.

  11. Episode 11: Tazed in the Lady Nuts

    Jan 2, 2014 · 21 min

    Walden joins his beautiful former employee on a brilliant new project. Meanwhile, Alan advises Jenny to open up to her girlfriend or risk losing her.

  12. Episode 12: Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.

    Jan 9, 2014 · 21 min

    Lyndsey's boyfriend sets Alan up on a date; Walden wants to help Nicole with her project so she will have time to date him.

  13. Episode 13: Bite Me, Supreme Court

    Jan 30, 2014 · 21 min

    Marty Pepper proposes to Evelyn; Alan and Walden plan a bachelor party for Marty.

  14. Episode 14: Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe

    Feb 6, 2014 · 21 min

    Alan finds out that Lyndsey broke up with Larry without telling him; Walden tries to prove he is a man's man.

  15. Episode 15: Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin

    Feb 27, 2014 · 21 min

    Alan asks Lyndsey to choose between him and Larry; Jenny worries that she and Brooke are growing apart.

  16. Episode 16: How to Get Rid of Alan Harper

    Mar 6, 2014 · 21 min

    Walden thinks his girlfriend is cheating on him; Alan starts dating Larry's sister, Gretchen.

  17. Episode 17: Welcome Home, Jake

    Mar 13, 2014 · 21 min

    Lyndsey finds out about Alan's relationship with Gretchen; Walden has a difficult time telling Barry to find his own place.

  18. Episode 18: West Side Story

    Apr 3, 2014 · 21 min

    Walden gets an invitation to his ex-girlfriend's boutique opening. Meanwhile, Gretchen wants to spend more time at Alan's house.

  19. Episode 19: Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang

    Apr 10, 2014 · 22 min

    After reconnecting with Kate, Walden becomes convinced she is the one for him -- until he meets a woman named Vivian.

  20. Episode 20: Lotta Delis in Little Armenia

    Apr 24, 2014 · 21 min

    Alan finds an opportunity to make money; Walden addresses his co-dependency issues.

  21. Episode 21: Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot

    May 1, 2014 · 21 min

    Alan's girlfriend, Gretchen, insists he confess his true identity to Larry. Meanwhile, Walden goes on a road trip with Jenny and Barry to see his first car.

  22. Episode 22: Oh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead

    May 8, 2014 · 21 min

    Alan must face the consequences after revealing his identity to Larry.

Season 1216 ep. · 2014–2015
  1. Episode 1: The Ol' Mexican Spinach

    Oct 30, 2014 · 21 min

    After a health scare on Halloween, Walden decides he needs to change his life.

  2. Episode 2: A Chic Bar in Ibiza

    Nov 6, 2014 · 21 min

    Alan has second thoughts about getting married after he's asked to sign a pre-nup.

  3. Episode 3: Glamping in a Yurt

    Nov 13, 2014 · 21 min

    Alan and Walden have a meeting with an adoption social worker that hinges on them being convincing as a loving couple. Lyndsey returns after 60 days in rehab.

  4. Episode 4: Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight

    Nov 20, 2014 · 21 min

    A birth mother considers having Walden and Alan adopt her baby.

  5. Episode 5: Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.

    Nov 27, 2014 · 21 min

    Walden becomes a foster parent to a 6-year-old boy, but worries about himself when they don't hit it off like he hoped.

  6. Episode 6: Alan Shot a Little Girl

    Dec 4, 2014 · 21 min

    Alan breaks Walden's rules when he realizes that Louis thinks he's cool, and he wants it to stay that way.

  7. Episode 7: Sex with an Animated Ed Asner

    Dec 11, 2014 · 21 min

    Alan and Walden befriend three moms at a kids’ gym, but things get complicated when Walden becomes attracted to one of them. Alan goes out for a girls’ night with a group of moms.

  8. Episode 8: Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey

    Dec 18, 2014 · 21 min

    Alan and Walden attempt to convince Louis that Santa Claus is real.

  9. Episode 9: Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey

    Jan 8, 2015 · 21 min

    Walden discovers how challenging it is to be intimate with women when his foster son, Louis, is in the house. Also, Herb asks Alan if he can go on a date with Lyndsey.

  10. Episode 10: Here I Come, Pants!

    Jan 15, 2015 · 21 min

    Alan takes it upon himself to help Walden keep Louis after the social worker discovers he and Walden are not really a gay couple.

  11. Episode 11: For Whom the Booty Calls

    Jan 22, 2015 · 21 min

    Walden joins a group for adoptive fathers, and finds it to be a nice escape from Alan.

  12. Episode 12: A Beer-Battered Rip-Off

    Jan 29, 2015 · 21 min

    When Alan breaks up with their social worker to get back together with Lyndsey, Walden worries it will affect Louis’ adoption.

  13. Episode 13: Boompa Loved His Hookers

    Feb 5, 2015 · 21 min

    Walden fears if he breaks up with Ms. McMartin, it will jeopardize his adoption of Louis. Also, Alan hesitates when Lyndsey asks him to move in with her.

  14. Episode 14: Don't Give a Monkey a Gun

    Feb 12, 2015 · 21 min

    After they sign their divorce papers, Walden offers Alan the gift of his choice, but when Alan chooses something selfish and impractical, it puts his relationship with Lyndsey on the line.

  15. Episode 15: Of Course He's Dead (1)

    Feb 19, 2015 · 18 min

    Charlie Harper is alive. Or is he?

  16. Episode 16: Of Course He's Dead (2)

    Feb 19, 2015 · 21 min

    Charlie Harper is alive. Or is he?